Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Welcome to My Meltdown

Before I had kids, I had brown hair and good teeth. I had smaller boobs and less flab. I worked out at the gym and did sit-ups at home. I didn’t sweat then either because, well, sweat was for the hurried. Before I had kids, I could spend hours preparing meals, quietly sipping a glass of wine with a subtle smile on my lips. I could sit down for dinner and have a conversation uninterrupted by pleas for candy. Before I had kids, I slept through the night and slept in when I felt I needed just a little bit more rest. I faced the day with energy and zeal, a twinkle in my clear blue eyes. Before I had kids, I wore expensive shoes and replaced them as needed. I had clothes that I liked, clothes that were in good repair. Before I had kids, I had vacation and sick time. I could take a few days off to get out of town or take a day off just to relax at home. I earned frequent flyer miles by traveling rather than paying co-pays at the pediatrician’s office. Before I had kids, my house was immaculate and everything was in its proper place. I cleaned and organized. I repainted and redecorated rooms on a whim. I was the Martha Stewart of lesbians, orderly, tidy and capable of whipping up a stunning cake for a last minute party. Before I had kids, I had time and lots of it.

I know you are expecting some sort of Reader’s Digest conclusion to this. You are expecting an adorable picture and a precious anecdote about how, in my most exhausted hour, I nestled into bed with my children and they told me they loved me and, then, my heart exploded into a rainbow of hearts and light. You are not getting that ending today. No, today, there is fatigue and fever and whining. Today, the leprecaun took his effin' rainbow and went home.

If you see a white-haired woman with a chipped tooth hobbling down the street with frayed pants and a hole in the bottom of her shoe, don’t look away in horror at her frazzled appearance. Smile at her and tell her that she looks tired and weary. Tell her that it is hard work being a mom and, then, offer to buy her a cup of coffee.

Believe me, I need it.

13 comments:

Colleen said...

I could buy you a cup, but due to my motherdum, I believe, it gives me heartburn.

You too will get through this!

Kristin said...

Anything I say will not be funny. And I want to be funny for some reason. You should stay home tomorrow. You should say that the winter fun camp was full and stay home the second week of winter break. you will have a pot of renewed SLWOP hours you know.

Then we could take the big boys skating, sledding, skiiing, out for hot chocolate. They could watch Augie's new Cars video and we could play scrabble.

Vikki said...

Yes, this too shall pass...

My new question is this: Can you bake cookies with a sick child and feel certain that the germs will bake off in the oven? I will be home tomorrow and would like to multi-task. I'll have to ask our resident epidemiologist.

Kristin said...

oh the germs will bake off.

Luisa said...

Yes, the germs will bake off. But I beg to differ on the condition of our house before children - the difference is that before we could clean without someone going behind and messing it up as we did! This too shall pass and maybe the cultures will grow :-)

Kristin said...

I bet a dollar on the cultures growing.

Anonymous said...

i have nothing to offer
except a cup of coffee on me
peace & love
leigh

Anonymous said...

why are smaller boobs in the 'plus' category? just wondering........

sarah g said...

well, you fooled me. what a great post. coffee on me tomorrow.

Colleen said...

Vikki,
Hope today is going better and I am sure the cookies will turn out graet and completely germ free! Check out my blog today, I need some serious help!

Anonymous said...

I don't remember the brown hair......is this an example of revisionist history?

Nina said...

Sorry I am so late getting caught up with your blog. It's been a busy time, and we haven't even sent out half our xmas cards (lucky they say "happy easter huh?"). All I can say is that you aren't alone, and these are normal and ok feelings. We only could hack having one kid, and there are times we stare into the same abyss with just the one.

Martin said...

Its all in the game and I know that I really really tough to handle kids. however they are our kids and you should seriously enjoy each and every moment of it. I just purchased adidas Shoes as a gift for him and for that itself he will create a havoc, but still kids are kids and we should feel good watching his doings.